Like many people across the world, Prince’s death was a great tragedy for me.
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So I have a plan today to go to the movies, and I must admit, my mouth is already watering thinking about the buttery popcorn and nachos I can get there. Movies and popcorn go together like peas and carrots or peanut butter and jelly, as evidenced by the seemingly interminable line at the concession stand every time I go. I recently discovered the history of this custom here. But sometimes, (just sometimes) I really wish there was something else to choose from. Something of substance, perhaps, or something even (gasp) a little bit healthy. So here is my list of things that might be nice to have. And to be clear, I know there are a vast number of theaters that have whole restaurants and bars inside them, so I'm not talking about those. I'm talking about the regular ol' concession stand movie theatre. Here goes. 1. Cookies. I see very few cookies. And I love cookies. 2. Pot-stickers. 3. Apple slices 4. Cheese plates. Fruit and meat would be nice too. 5. Nuts. 6. Soup. Sometimes it's cold in those auditoriums, and you can drink it from a cup. Easy. 7. Shrimp cocktails Or really shrimp anything. Just shrimp. 8. Donut holes. Not donuts. Just the holes. 9. Funnel cake 10. Things wrapped in bacon on a toothpick. (i.e. shrimp, potatoes, dates, more bacon, whatever) 11. Spanikopita 12. Olives 13. Meatballs 14. Cheese straws 15. Crab cakes (little ones, with a dipping sauce) 16. Stuffed mushrooms 17. Deviled eggs 18. Sushi 19. Pigs in a blanket 20. Samosas 21. Empanadas 22. Potato Skins 23. Potato cakes 24. Jalapeño Poppers (seriously, why is this not already on the menu?) 25. Juices and other non-soda beverages 26. Hushpuppies (I'd really like to see these more in restaurants, too. People outside the South don't know what they're missing.) I think that's a good start. What would you love to see on the menus? Gotta go, I have movie popcorn to eat! In my experience, people are always more than happy to dish out advice. That's fine. I truly believe that people give advice because they genuinely want to help, not because they are looking to control or manipulate. Advice is a particular kind of counsel, advocating next steps and strategies in order to make a person's life better. And that's super. Who doesn't want their life to be better?
But here's the thing. Sometimes advice doesn't help. Sometimes it's frustrating and condescending and frankly, unwelcome. Especially when it comes to relationships. As a single person, there is no shortage of advice out there for me, dispensed by everyone from my mother, to close friends, to colleagues, to strangers in line for coffee. So here's some advice to everyone: stop it. And for your reference, here are the things you really should stop saying to single people. 1. It will happen when you least expect it. This is bullshit. Is this what you say to someone looking for a job? Just wait and it will come to you? Stop looking? Well, finding a job is easy compared to finding someone you enjoy so much that you want to see them essentially every day for the rest of your life. You don't make that kind of commitment to a job, and yet we scour ads, write and re-write resumes, hone our interview skills, and are constantly looking to expand and strengthen our network. And this is completely normal. But if a single person did this to find a significant other, people would say "you're obsessed", or "stop trying so hard", or any number of other shitty things that should not be said to someone who is looking to share their life with another person. 2. Just enjoy being single. Have some fun. Okay, I've been single for the majority of my natural born life. I've had plenty of fun. Plenty. I've dived into the swimming hole in my underwear, I've sung songs and told stories by the campfire, and I've gone on spontaneous road trips. I've also done lots of other things that I don't care to share publicly (but I assure you, they were wild, crazy, and tons of fun). But now I want to have a different kind of fun. The kind of fun that comes from knowing someone is always going to be there for you, that you will be sharing your life with, that will be the yin to your yang. Or whatever couple metaphor you want to employ. Just stop telling me to be happy I'm single. 3. I'm single and I love it./You're better off staying single. Closely related to #2, and generally said by people who just got out of a long term relationship. You know what? Good for you. It's fantastic that you are happy being single since you split up from your previous significant other. I'm glad you've healed nicely and are enjoying the world again. But here's the thing: I am over it. Not to belabor the point, but I've been single my whole life, so I don't know the joys (or sorrows) of being in a long term relationship, and I'm ready to discover them. So just let me. I'm not going to let you eat cake and tell me how great it was and how it made you sick later. I want to eat it myself. 4. Just work on you. The right person will notice. If you will excuse my language: fuck off. I have been working on me for many years. I have an education. I have hobbies. I have a good job. I have people and activities that I truly enjoy. I have my shit together. I don't sit at home and pine for the Mr. Right that I haven't met yet. I do stuff. In fact, I have a full time, well-paying job that I love, and I still manage to improve myself. Taking a dog training class, or a writing class, or whatever sounds interesting at the time. And I have years of anecdotal experience that says absolutely no one has noticed. At least not for more than a couple of weeks. So stow it. I'm pretty awesome, and I've worked hard to become so. Don't tell me I need to work harder. 5. How come you don't have a boyfriend? You know, if I had the answer to this question, I probably wouldn't be single. Shut the hell up with your backhanded pseudo-pity. Telling me that I'm pretty or smart or funny or awesome or whatever other adjectives or combination of adjectives you put together that are designed to make me feel better about myself don't do that. They make me feel worse that there is some actual thing that is preventing me from finding someone special. So just stop. Please. 6. You're just too picky. This grinds my gears like nobody's business. Why am I not allowed to be picky? I've worked hard to become the person I am (see #4), and I deserve to be with someone that I truly love. It makes me truly sad that women are expected to be all things (beautiful, sweet, smart, successful, etc.), and yet so many women are satisfied with a guy whose best quality is that he doesn't hit them. It often seems like a job isn't even a necessity for a guy. But yes, I do expect to be with someone who has put as much work into themselves as I have into me. I shouldn't have to settle. I know there are a million other things, but these are the top in my book. Feel free to add on. So this morning while I was walking the dog, I started thinking about movies. Thinking about movies is a fairly common activity for me, so this wasn't unusual. But instead of thinking about what I might want to go see this weekend, or what I am excited about seeing, or what I saw last week that I liked, I thought about tentpoles. This week, there are no tentpoles being released. Therefore, there are folks that are lamenting that 'no one goes to the movies', and it's either make something big and spectacular, or don't even bother. But the truth is, there are tons of films out there to see, both at home and in the theater. And then the tiny little lightbulb lit up above my head.
People rush out to see tentpoles for one reason: spectacle. Tentpoles are great. They hold up the tent. But that's their job. To make space underneath so that everyone else can roam around. And for me, I don't see enough movies roaming around underneath. I just see more tentpoles, which defeats the whole purpose. People want to see the fancy special effects and the huge epic battles. They want to be wowed. And they deserve to be. Considering that the cost of going to the movies has steadily risen in the past decade, people don't want to spend $20 each on some little character drama that will have zero car chases, zero explosions, and zero chances of lasers, spaceships, or superheroes. I could at this point talk about how movies are still the least expensive form of entertainment outside the home, but that's a discussion for a different day. Nope, at this point, what I want to know is this: why do all movies cost the same? Is there any other commodity that is priced the same across the board? I couldn't think of a single one. Cars: nope. Hotels: nope. Apartments: nope. Bread: nope. So why do we value all movies equally? The fact is that everything has its own value, and its own price. Including art. If you go to a concert, it costs a lot more to see Prince than it does to see your friend's garage band (unless of course your friend is Prince, in which case you better invite me). If you want to buy a painting, you better be prepared to fork over some shekels for a Warhol, but your neighbor's watercolor of a flower? Not so much. What if Broadway's version of Wizard of Oz cost the same as little Johnny's middle school version? Something tells me Johnny would be lamenting his lack of brains to an empty auditorium. In the world of movies (and here I'm talking about seeing movies theatrically, not at home on your silly little television), the value only seems to stem from the 'extras'. Things like IMAX and 3D. Those definitely cost more. But what about the movie itself? It seems like a big movie like Star Wars (whichever Episode is your fave), which is in higher demand, has a higher cost to produce, has more bells and whistles, might cost more than, say, the latest little indie flick with actors you've never heard of in a town you don't care about. I know what you are about to say. "But Lisa, I hate Star Wars. I like those little indie flicks so much better. Hollywood is out of ideas and I hate that crap." Well, good for you. You are in the 1% of movie-goers, and you still have to pay the same price. But here's the simple truth: Star Wars brings in more people. Disney can afford to spend obscene amounts of money making sure that you will feel like a pariah if you don't see their movie. But that little indie film can't. They just put it out there with some modest marketing and then pray to their little Box Office Shrine (yes, that's a thing) that you will show up, then you will tell your friends and drag them to see it, and then they will, and so on and so forth. But what if that little indie flick had a ticket price that was half of what Star Wars' ticket price is? In this budget-conscious world, it stands to reason that more people might opt to give it a shot. And after they see a moving story without (gasp) ANY explosions, they might not lament the $20 they just blew when they could have seen Batman and his gadgets. They might think, "Hey, I'm glad I spent $10 on a great story. I might just try some of these other in-dee-pen-dent (yes, imagine they've never said the word before) movies." What would happen then? Would there be a market for more of these stories with small budgets? Would studios want to take a chance? Would audiences? But most of all: would the small and middle-tier movie make a comeback? Working (or trying to work) as a creative person isn't easy, for lots of reasons. But one of the biggest reasons is that it can be difficult to make ends meet, especially when you have no guaranteed source of income over long periods of time. I have definitely felt that, even though I do have a job that is mostly steady. I work in the world of non-profit, which is just a teensy step above artist in the pay category, and then only because it's a steady paycheck. So, I thought that today I would share some of the strategies I've used to keep my head above water and live a relatively comfortable life free from financial drama. Hopefully someone out there is looking for information like this and will be helped by it. Step One: Knowledge is Power Part of the whole problem is figuring out where your money goes and how to plan for it coming and going. I often feel like money is just water through my fingers, but with a little research and mindfulness, I've gotten better at knowing where I'm at. My first step was reading a book called How to Get Out of Debt, Stay Out of Debt, and Live Prosperously, by Jerrold Mundis. This book is full of strategies for taking control of your finances, such as creating a spending plan, how to pay down debt, deal with creditors, and so on. Really good advice. I'd say that's step one. Step two, (or one and a half) is actually doing the things he talks about. Now that I know exactly how much income I have, and what my expenses are, I can track things and make sure I stay within my means. I also started using a great app/website called Mint.com. It's linked to all my financial accounts, including investment accounts, and the mobile version is great for those times when I'm at the store and need to know if I can afford that extra bag of marshmallows. Step Two: Set Your Goals After knowing what the sitch is, I decided what was most important to me, and how I wanted my financial picture to change. One thing I did was make a decision to not use my credit card anymore. Ever. Never ever. And by paying every month on that, I've managed to reduce my credit card debt by over half in just under two years. And let me tell you, that feels great. Aside from that, I also set other goals. I wanted to set up reserve funds for various things, and luckily, there's a goal section in Mint that lets you do that. It keeps track for you, so you can see how far you have to go. I also keep my savings in a partitioned account with a high interest rate (well, relatively high, for a savings account). It's almost like virtual envelopes that I can keep my money in. For instance, I have an envelope for the car, for travel, clothes, and the house. Plus a general emergency fund and a rainy day fund. Each month I put a bit away in each account, and over time it really adds up (plus earns interest!). Then, when the house needs a repair, or the car insurance is due, or I need some fancy new duds, I'm not scrambling to figure out how to pay for it. It's already there. Believe me, there is great peace of mind in planning ahead. And for things like travel that aren't generally cheap, I don't have to whip out the credit card. The money is already there. Step Three: Keep Working
This is kind of a two step step three. The first part is, keep doing your creative work. Work hard at it. Keep building your body of work, getting better, and putting it out there. The more you do that, the more likely it is that you'll be able to increase your earnings, as well as your skill levels, which ends up being a wonderful cycle of being able to charge more for your work and having more people seek you out, which brings in more funds to make more work, and so on and so on. The second part is to keep working at your financial fitness. There's no way you're going to turn into Warren Buffet on Day One. But, with a little hard work and diligence, you can improve. If you have a day where you have to use the credit card, or you go over your spending plan, don't panic, and don't beat yourself up. Just tell yourself you'll try to do better tomorrow. It's impossible to change your financial picture in just one day, but in one day you can achieve small goals. Not eating out, not using the credit card, putting money into savings, walking rather than driving, whatever. And those little goals become habits eventually, and then those habits add up to a more secure financial situation where you can breathe and not worry so much about where your rent money is coming from, freeing you up to worry about your next masterpiece instead. Now go forth and thrive. We often refer to writing as a practice. And yes, I do believe that the more you do it, the better you get. It just kind of happens. Some people say it takes 10,000 hours to become a master at something, but I'm not sure I truly believe that. (Still, you should totally check out Malcolm Gladwell's book Outliers if you want to read more about it) I once had a coach that said "Practice doesn't make perfect. Perfect practice does." That made sense to me. (He also said "Winning isn't everything, it's the only thing", but that's another story.) I may not be an athlete anymore (I struggle just to get a good workout in more than once a week), but I do practice. I practice writing. But that, friends, is much like being an athlete, and I've developed some sports strategies that I believe help me along the way. Here they are. 1. Do it every day. As with any muscle, your brain needs to get used to things. It's a giant muscle with lots of other things it has to do, so if you want to write, you have to train it. I started with a daily journal, writing a minimum of 750 words every day. In the beginning, that was a bit challenging (both to do it and get to the word count), but I eventually got there. I used a great website called 750words.com to help me, too. After a while, I was in the habit, so I decided to extend the number of words I wrote every day. First by a little, then a little more. Now I write upwards of 1500 to 2000 words every day. Then I decided to work on something serious every day (the journal was just thoughts, no big deal). I started with twenty-five minute sessions, with five minute breaks in between using a great app called Pomodoro or Clockwork Tomato that I downloaded onto my phone. I currently am working on developing the habit of writing seven days a week, for a minimum of two hours (25 minutes on, 5 minutes off). I'm working on extending the time to three hours, but my brain needs to toughen up. So do it every day. Write. 2. Set performance goals Another thing I did was set goals for myself. Like right now, I'm working on a screenplay. I'm trying to write ten pages per day (which is admittedly a tough goal), which would allow me to finish the first draft before I go on vacation over Labor Day weekend. With the goal, I know where I am, where I'm going, and how I'm getting there. It helps. I also set longer term goals, such as writing a novel by the end of the year, or having two scripts by then, and things like that. They do have to be adjusted from time to time, but it really helps. 3. Track your progress Just like athletes, we need to see improvement. So I've created a little chart that tracks what I've done. It's just a simple spreadsheet, but I put the date, the amount of time I spent writing, what I was working on, how many words I wrote, where I wrote, and any other notes for that day. Then I can see when I have dips or peaks and try to figure out what was or wasn't working on that day. I can also see the progress I make overall towards finishing whatever I'm working on. And, I can see overall improvement. Maybe in the beginning I was only writing 750 words, but now I'm writing 2000. Yes, that's an improvement, and I'll take that as a victory. 4. Test your concentration One of the things about being an athlete that makes one great is the ability to deliver their best performance no matter the circumstances. They don't have breaks in concentration or 'bad days'. They get out there and always bring their 'A' game. As writers, I know that sometimes we are very fragile. We're susceptible to moods, weather, distractions, and all manner of monsters that aim to keep us from writing. So we have to battle that. Once you have a writing practice in place where it feels stable and secure, switch it up. If you usually write in your office, write at the kitchen table. Or the coffee shop. Or the sofa. Or wherever. Just change your surroundings. This helps prevent getting into a rut and developing the belief that you can only write under specific and particular circumstances. This is bullshit, my friends. You can write anywhere. Yes, anywhere. I have found that I am able to concentrate very well when I'm at the airport waiting on a flight. Sometimes I can even do it on the plane (that one needs work). Who knew? But since I can't go to the airport every day, I like to switch it up sometimes, and see where I write well, and where I don't. And work on getting better at the places where I don't. That way, literally NOTHING can stop me from writing. Because I can write anywhere. 5. Join a team Writing is often a solitary and lonely activity. Sometimes encouraging ourselves just isn't enough. So go get some teammates! I joined a writing group a little over two years ago, and we meet weekly to read and discuss our work. It's wonderful. With a writing group, you get feedback on what your doing, and encouragement for where you're going. I've had some difficult times in this group, but in the end, we're all there to help each other and make each other the best writers we can be, and it's due to this group that I've grown into the writer I am. They've been there to applaud me and steer me out of ruts. And I even managed to make some great friends out of it to boot. Seriously, get on a team. They'll hold you accountable when you slack, and pat you on the back when you finish. Just like in sports. 6. Compete! Very few of us writers ever really plan to never show anyone our work. Nor should you. You did it, now share it! Whatever you're working on, whether it's poetry, a novel, a screenplay, blog, or short story, should be shared with the public. Maybe that means writing contests. Go for it! Maybe it means finding an editor or agent and getting published. Maybe it just means sharing it online with a select group of like-minded fans. Whatever it is, get your work out into the world. It would be silly if Usain Bolt just stayed in Jamaica and ran down the street for fun, right? We want to see him in the Olympics, showing us how his training and amazing abilities have made him into the fastest man on the planet. We want to see Michael Phelps reach for the wall, and we want to see that gymnast get that perfect score. Likewise, we want to see you and your work live in the world and get the attention and love it deserves. We want to see you on that podium! If you're like me, you aren't yet lucky enough to have creativity as a job. You have to slog at some other place, day in and day out in order to pay the bills, and you have to do the creative stuff on the side. It's tough. It sucks. I know we all fantasize about endless days stretching before us, with nothing other than making stuff as our goals. But the truth is, it takes time and effort to get there, and it's never easy (then everyone would do it, right?). So, I've come up with a few strategies that have helped me to be more productive (or, as a dear friend recently said to me, "Fucking prolific."). Maybe they will help you, too. 1. Make your creative time regular time. Don't sacrifice it for anything. We all wish the muse would strike when we are sitting in front of our screens, but ah, she is a fickle one. You have to go to her. So do it. How? Create a schedule and stick to it. Set aside time as often as you think is realistically possible for you to work on your creative projects, and then use that time. Don't let anything stop you from keeping that appointment. If it helps to think of it as a new job that you have to show up for (and your boss, YOU, hates it when you're late!), then do that. When your best bud calls you up and wants to grab dinner, tell them you'll be available after. Tell your family, or roommates, or whomever might be in your space, to leave you alone. Or better yet, remove yourself from their presence. If you can carve out a little 'office' in your house, do that. If you want to go to the coffee shop, bar, library, or street corner to help you focus, do that. Just make sure you keep your appointment and show up for work. Creative work. 2. Make a list. Prioritize. About a year ago, I discovered an app called Todoist. It has improved my productivity immensely. Why? Because I can keep a running list of things that I need to get done. I can set it to send me reminders every day, or at certain times, or whatever works for me. I can set it to repeat tasks every day, every week, or whatever. I can have multiple projects in the list, so I don't forget to buy dog food while I'm remembering to work on my most recent opus. Or vice versa. Best of all, Todoist keeps track of what you accomplished, and gives you karma points for getting things done. No, you don't get anything from karma points, other than the warm fuzzy feeling of knowing that you got some stuff done. It also shows how productive you are from day to day, which is great motivation for those of us who like getting feedback. Once you have the list, decide what is most important. Do those things first. FIRST. Don't do the easiest things first. That will kill your motivation since you'll be tired later. Also, break your todo list down into small goals. Writing down 'write the novel' is admirable, but not terribly helpful, since you can't do it in one day. Just set a small task that you can accomplish before the day is over. Something like 'write three pages', or, for those of us who really need baby steps, 'write one paragraph'. Whatever you need in order to get it done. The more you accomplish, the easier it is to keep going, since you feel like you're making progress. 3. Make time your friend. Sprint, then rest. We all want to say, yes, I'm going to work on this project ALL DAY today. But really, we can't. Our brains don't want to do that. The truth is, we can only focus on things for short periods of time, so don't fight that. Another great app is called Clockwork Tomato, and it times you for 25 minutes, then gives you a 5 minute break. You can also customize it if you'd like, but I like the short bursts of focusing all your attention. It seems so much more manageable, since I'll start the timer, then start writing. Somewhere around 15 minutes in, my brain starts to think, 'geez, this is kind of boring. How much more of this is left?'. So I look at the clock, and there's only 10 minutes left. My brain says, 'Yay! Almost done!', and I churn more work out in that 10 minutes, then get to rest for 5. Then start all over. It has immensely helped my productivity during those times I've set aside to do creative work. 4. Keep track. As I've mentioned, it helps to feel like you've made progress. You'll feel a lot less like Sisyphus with that damned rock every day. So give yourself little victories. Yay, you worked for two whole hours today! Good work! I like to keep a journal to track that progress, which is really just a chart. I chart what I'm working on, how many words I wrote, and then make any notes that might have affected me that day, such as being on vacation, feeling blocked or distracted, or trying to write in a different location. Then, over time I can see what I've been doing, and see how many projects I've actually started AND finished, and how long it took. This also helps me when I'm scheduling my creative work, since I can be more realistic about how much time I can really spend on a project every day or week. So that's it. Just four things. Now go create. And, if you want, come tell me about it. I'd love to know what people are up to! As creative people, we often seek out people who can give us feedback on our work. We can't work in a vacuum, nor should we. We create for the world, not to shut everything in a dark room or a drawer or somewhere else where it won't ever be seen. So that's what I did recently. I've been working on a script with a couple of collaborators for about four months, and now that it was finished and we'd read through it for what seemed like the millionth time, we were ready to share it with people that we trusted. We shared it with people we knew in the film industry, friends, roommates, and loved ones. You know, for feedback. What ended up really happening is that I experienced a series of highs and lows and mehs that ended up being more than feedback. It also ended up being a huge learning experience, and that you should always remember when looking for someone's opinions on your baby. 1. Know what you're looking for What kind of feedback do you want? If you're looking for someone to tell you what a genius you are, give it to your mom. Give it to your significant other and let them fawn over it and reassure you that you are the best thing since sliced bread and your work will forever live on as a beacon of light and hope or brilliance for the rest of the world forevermore. However, if you're looking for honest feedback, give it to other artists. They can be people who do what you do, or they can just be creative people. Whomever they are, make sure they are people you trust enough to a) tell you the truth and b) tell you in the most diplomatic way possible. 2. Don't Panic One of the first things we all do when people start attacking our baby is to defend it. We don't want to hear that our baby talks funny, or has a deformity on its head, or is just plain dumb. We want to tell everyone that our baby has beautiful eyes and a lovely soul and that deformity is just part of its charm and makes it that much more endearing. Don't give in to that temptation. Just listen. (Listening is a whole other skill to work on in general, but for now, I'm going to assume you already know how to do that.) Listen to everything a person says about your work. Write it down. Record what they say. Make notes of your own. Take everything in and try to keep you ego quiet. Why? Because defending your work makes you sound…well…defensive. There's a good chance that what could be a productive discussion could devolve into an argument or worse. At best, the person who is trying to help you will simply give up and walk away, resolving to never give you feedback again. Just take it all in, listen, and let them give it to you until they're all out. Then thank them. Thank them for real. 3. Accept that you aren't perfect, and neither is anyone else There's an old saying that opinions are like…well, you know, because it's an old saying. But yes, everyone has one, and everyone who gives you feedback will have many of them. Everyone comes to your work with a different background and will bring their own baggage with them, which will color their opinions. Remember that. And remember that some people are very good at giving feedback. Sometimes it's precise, and you know exactly what to do. Other times, it's more general, and you have to figure it out. Whatever kind of feedback you get, just keep in mind that not everyone is going to have the same opinion. That's okay. No one is perfect, including you and your work. 4. Use the rule of three This is where getting multiple opinions from many different sources is key. Since not everyone has the same ones, keep an eye out for the ones that keep coming back. If the same note is given at least three times, you should take it very seriously. It means there is something that many people see, and you need to start seeing it too, and figure out how to fix it. Outside of that, take each piece of feedback on its own. You don't want to be throwing the baby out with the bathwater, so just take a second and consider each point on its own, rather than as a whole. It's less scary that way, and you can consider each point on its own. 5. Breathe Once you get the feedback, you may start taking each thing and twisting your work to fit into what you think everyone else wants. Before you do that, take a step back. Reconsider your work with this new information, and don't do anything. Don't touch it. Not yet. After the recent feedback we got, I had to talk one of my writing partners down from killing a character on page one. I'll give the same advice to you. Before you go killing hot Brazilians, just breathe and let your emotions subside. When you regain your calm, take another look. Wait a little longer, then think (just think!) about making changes. 6. Sometimes potential goes unrecognized Remember tip number three. It also means that people also don't know something amazing when they see it. Now, don't go assuming this is the case for you, but just remember. After crying to a friend about my bruised ego, the response was, "Don't take bad feedback too hard. Someone could read Citizen Kane, and then say "That Rosebud thing is stupid." The point is, sometimes potential doesn't look great at first. It's up to you to figure out what you think is worth keeping, and what you can let go of. Be honest with yourself, and move to number seven. 7. Kill your darlings Be okay with letting things go. Yes, you poured yourself into your work and you love every bit of it. But not everything can be used. You have to let things go. Just take a deep breath, use your delete key, take it out, and move on. Just remember to save the earlier draft in case you change your mind later. 8. Remember: You asked. You may come out of a feedback session feeling angry, frustrated, hurt, sad, defeated, enthused, inspired, ecstatic, pumped, or euphoric. Whether you ended up high or low, remember this: you asked. You wanted feedback, and someone took the time to give it to you. They were (hopefully) honest, and they want to help you. They don't have ulterior motives, they don't have it in for you, and they could have said no. If you get all emotional and crazy, they won't want to give you feedback anymore, or they won't be honest anymore. Either way, you're screwed. Their feedback comes from the heart, and you should be grateful that they are willing to help you. Thank them. 9. Keep going No matter how things went, don't give up. Don't give up on this piece, or the next piece, or your goals of making many more pieces. Half of being successful is never giving up, especially when things get tough. If being creative were easy, everyone would do it. But they don't. You do. So keep doing it. Work on editing your work, then move on to the next things and the next and the next. And keep getting feedback. Trust me: it will make your work better, will help you give better feedback (because you'll have to return the favor), and will make you a better person. I have a confession to make. I am not an actor. I do not, nor have I ever, claimed to have any skill in acting, nor a desire to be an actor of any kind. Despite this, I often find myself on various stages, doing various things in front of people I don't know, aka "the public". When I was younger, I did a lot of singing, which put me on the stage often. I was in musical theater classes, performed in one musical theater production (which left a somewhat sour taste in my mouth, since typecasting was apparently all the rage, and geeky girls wearing glasses don't really get the flush parts, no matter their vocal abilities). I sung the National Anthem. At conferences, minor league baseball games, etc. I performed in a couple of bands (one jazz, one pop) and a few choirs. I also danced. I loved ballet, and being on the stage never bothered me. I danced in college as one of those girls wearing the sparkly figure skating outfit with the gold pom-pons, counting and marching during halftime twenty feet in front of the University of Colorado drumline, hoping our beloved Buffs would win (they were actually pretty good back then). I played sports. Gymnastics. It's not exactly a stage, but if you fuck up, you do it all by yourself in front of a lot of people while wearing a leotard. How's that for scary? I even did it through my teenage years, until I was 19, so I confronted fear on a national level while feeling extremely self-conscious about pretty much everything, but mostly my awkward and un-curvy body. Then somewhere along the line, I got myself behind the curtain, writing and directing films in school, which was surprisingly comfortable. I loved being able to show up and tell people what do to and not have to worry about how I looked, because no one was going to remember and no one was looking at me anyway. They would only remember what was on the screen after everything was said and done, and most of the time (save for a couple of small films), I was nowhere to be found, except in the stories we could regale one another with afterwards over a few beers. And that, my friends, has been lovely. And yet, it seems as though the stage has found me again. I have gone a bit of a foray into writing comedy for film and television, as practice, on spec. I do it for fun at this point, and I cross all my fingers and toes, hoping that someday soon I'll be able to do it for money as well. So I work to improve my craft. And part of improving that craft has been improv. I recklessly decided to sign up for a seven week improv class here in San Diego at a place not far from my house. So far, I've had two classes, and while I'm not going to say it's easy, I feel a certain comfort with just making things up. It's so much easier than having to memorize something and then pray you don't forget it at the exact moment you are supposed to show it to the world, which has definitely happened to me more than once. Until this class, I had no idea what improv was, other than a shortened version of the word improvisation. I had never seen improv, or heard stories from people who do improv. It was something that was vaguely related to Tina Fey and Amy Poehler and there was something called Upright Citizens Brigade and another thing called Second City. And something called Groundlings. But other than that, I've been clueless. But I'm learning. I don't have a choice. They don't mess around up there at Finest City Improv. They get you on the stage and get you out there. So the other night was my first time on stage, doing improv. If I could think of something to liken it to, it would be for someone to ask you if you knew how to train a Whing-ding-a-saurus, and you looked them straight in the eye and said, "Why yes, I know exactly how to do that." But in the back of your mind, you are thinking: Train a what? Even my dog doesn't listen to me. But that's something you should know about me. I never back down from a challenge. So I grilled my teacher on what was going to happen, which of course, he can only answer so much. I love rules and knowing there's a plan. And improv doesn't really have a plan. Or rules. So, I show up the other night, and Amy, one of the other instructors, gives us the rundown for the evening. We're going to start out with a game where you have to name things in a category until you either repeat one or can't think of one. Okay, I can do that. I love brain games. Then, little scenes. Me: How long is a scene? Them: However long it needs to be. Me: How will I know it's over? Them: You'll know. Hmm. These guidelines are a bit fuzzy. But oh well. I'm going to roll with it anyway. The music starts, and we all go out on the stage. Somehow I'm bringing up the rear, with just one other person behind me. We start the brain game. Cars. I got this. Dictators. Easy. Candy bars. Fine, but I didn't hear one person say Snickers, so I've got a hit against me. On to the next one. Swear words. US Cities. Come on, people, how about a challenge. Beers. Puh-leese. (all those years in bars are finally paying off). Cartoon cats. At least three pop into my head, but it's over before it gets to me. And before I know it, I'm the winner. So far, improv is working out. On to the scenes. I'm not sure what the hell is going on, so I just watch. But before too long, Amy pulls me out and we are eating fudge. Lots of fudge. And I don't know what I say, I just go with it. Keep going until they say stop. Then another scene. And another. And so on and so on and so on. It just keeps going, rolling through one after the other. And I still feel like I have no idea what's going on, and sometimes I'm just watching as if I'm also in the audience, and other times an idea pops into my head and I jump out there, full force. Thank god I'm not wearing a leotard. And I catch a glimpse of a couple friends who came out, and a couple of guys in my class. And I feel supported, which gives me a boost of confidence. And then it's over, and I'm left to over analyze everything I did or didn't say or do. Which of course, will take days or even weeks to thoroughly pick over. But the funny thing is, it wasn't uncomfortable. I wasn't all that nervous. I spent most of my energy just trying to figure out what was going on, and trying to keep up. I can't wait to go back. I went on a little adventure today. But really, the adventure started back in November, when I participated in a Kickstarter campaign that ended up meeting (and overshooting) it's goal. I bought myself a brand spankin' new lens called a Petzval, and today I took it out for a little test drive. Now you must understand, I'm not a techie kind of person. I like nice pictures and movies that look good, and my lamentations usually involve the absence of a tripod, rather than some technical issue that is so esoteric you practically have to have a PhD from MIT to understand what you're talking about. I never worry about what camera people are using to shoot their movies, or if they're shooting digital or film, or whatever. I just like things to look nice. But this lens, I had to have. So I took the plunge, waited 6 months, and now here it is. So today I thought I would take it out and see what it can do, and I'm sharing some of the photos I like best here with you, so you can see what this lens can do. Yes, it's somewhat limited, because it has a very specific purpose. It is only the second lens I have, as the first lens I have pretty much does everything from wide angle to telephoto. And I'm not a professional photographer, so my need for lenses is somewhat limited. But this lens produces such beautiful and lyrical images, that I feel I have a use for it. Maybe I could even make a movie with it. Or maybe just part of a movie. Whatever it is, I'm pretty sure I can find some lovely things to photograph along the way, and if not, I still have a beautiful brass lens. And if you think you need one too, you can always get one from Lomography for your very own. Below are the photos I took, in about a twenty minute time span this morning at the rose and succulent gardens at Balboa Park. If you're wondering why so many of them have stars in the background, it's because I experimented mostly with an aperture plate that had a star cutout in it. I plan to experiment with some of the others, but for the sake of time, I mostly stuck with the star because it's the most pronounced shape, so I know when I'm really getting the effect. It's kind of magical and weird, and even unpredictable. Anyway, I'd love to hear your thoughts on the photos, or what else you think I should try taking some pictures of next time I go out and test the lens. Maybe a test somewhere in Los Angeles should be in the works.
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Photos from GotCredit, Thomas Leth-Olsen, Celestine Chua, Found Animals, procsilas, numberstumper, George Vnoucek, Leyram Odacrem, One Way Stock, hardi_wb, Rennett Stowe, quinet, rashanahb, rich701, mayrpamintuan, Gavin St. Ours, Aimee Custis, ilovememphis, ikewinski, Môsieur J. [version 8.0], Darwin Bell, Ack Ook