So I have a plan today to go to the movies, and I must admit, my mouth is already watering thinking about the buttery popcorn and nachos I can get there. Movies and popcorn go together like peas and carrots or peanut butter and jelly, as evidenced by the seemingly interminable line at the concession stand every time I go. I recently discovered the history of this custom here. 

But sometimes, (just sometimes) I really wish there was something else to choose from. Something of substance, perhaps, or something even (gasp) a little bit healthy. So here is my list of things that might be nice to have. And to be clear, I know there are a vast number of theaters that have whole restaurants and bars inside them, so I'm not talking about those. I'm talking about the regular ol' concession stand movie theatre. Here goes.

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1. Cookies. I see very few cookies. And I love cookies.
​2. Pot-stickers. 
3. Apple slices
4. Cheese plates. Fruit and meat would be nice too.
5. Nuts.
6. Soup. Sometimes it's cold in those auditoriums, and you can drink it from a cup. Easy.
7. Shrimp cocktails Or really shrimp anything. Just shrimp.
8. Donut holes. Not donuts. Just the holes.
9. Funnel cake
10. Things wrapped in bacon on a toothpick. (i.e. shrimp, potatoes, dates, more bacon, whatever)
11. Spanikopita
12. Olives
13. Meatballs
14. Cheese straws
15. Crab cakes (little ones, with a dipping sauce)
16. Stuffed mushrooms
17. Deviled eggs
18. Sushi
19. Pigs in a blanket
20. Samosas
21. Empanadas
22. Potato Skins
23. Potato cakes
24. Jalapeño Poppers (seriously, why is this not already on the menu?)
25. Juices and other non-soda beverages
26. Hushpuppies (I'd really like to see these more in restaurants, too. People outside the South don't know what they're missing.)

I think that's a good start. What would you love to see on the menus? Gotta go, I have movie popcorn to eat!

In my experience, people are always more than happy to dish out advice. That's fine. I truly believe that people give advice because they genuinely want to help, not because they are looking to control or manipulate. Advice is a particular kind of counsel, advocating next steps and strategies in order to make a person's life better. And that's super. Who doesn't want their life to be better?

But here's the thing. Sometimes advice doesn't help. Sometimes it's frustrating and condescending and frankly, unwelcome. Especially when it comes to relationships. As a single person, there is no shortage of advice out there for me, dispensed by everyone from my mother, to close friends, to colleagues, to strangers in line for coffee. So here's some advice to everyone: stop it. And for your reference, here are the things you really should stop saying to single people.

1. It will happen when you least expect it.
This is bullshit. Is this what you say to someone looking for a job? Just wait and it will come to you? Stop looking? Well, finding a job is easy compared to finding someone you enjoy so much that you want to see them essentially every day for the rest of your life. You don't make that kind of commitment to a job, and yet we scour ads, write and re-write resumes, hone our interview skills, and are constantly looking to expand and strengthen our network. And this is completely normal. But if a single person did this to find a significant other, people would say "you're obsessed", or "stop trying so hard", or any number of other shitty things that should not be said to someone who is looking to share their life with another person. 

2. Just enjoy being single. Have some fun.
Okay, I've been single for the majority of my natural born life. I've had plenty of fun. Plenty. I've dived into the swimming hole in my underwear, I've sung songs and told stories by the campfire, and I've gone on spontaneous road trips. I've also done lots of other things that I don't care to share publicly (but I assure you, they were wild, crazy, and tons of fun). But now I want to have a different kind of fun. The kind of fun that comes from knowing someone is always going to be there for you, that you will be sharing your life with, that will be the yin to your yang. Or whatever couple metaphor you want to employ. Just stop telling me to be happy I'm single.

3. I'm single and I love it./You're better off staying single.
Closely related to #2, and generally said by people who just got out of a long term relationship. You know what? Good for you. It's fantastic that you are happy being single since you split up from your previous significant other. I'm glad you've healed nicely and are enjoying the world again. But here's the thing: I am over it. Not to belabor the point, but I've been single my whole life, so I don't know the joys (or sorrows) of being in a long term relationship, and I'm ready to discover them. So just let me. I'm not going to let you eat cake and tell me how great it was and how it made you sick later. I want to eat it myself.

4. Just work on you. The right person will notice.
If you will excuse my language: fuck off. I have been working on me for many years. I have an education. I have hobbies. I have a good job. I have people and activities that I truly enjoy. I have my shit together. I don't sit at home and pine for the Mr. Right that I haven't met yet. I do stuff. In fact, I have a full time, well-paying job that I love, and I still manage to improve myself. Taking a dog training class, or a writing class, or whatever sounds interesting at the time. And I have years of anecdotal experience that says absolutely no one has noticed. At least not for more than a couple of weeks. So stow it. I'm pretty awesome, and I've worked hard to become so. Don't tell me I need to work harder.

5. How come you don't have a boyfriend?
You know, if I had the answer to this question, I probably wouldn't be single. Shut the hell up with your backhanded pseudo-pity. Telling me that I'm pretty or smart or funny or awesome or whatever other adjectives or combination of adjectives you put together that are designed to make me feel better about myself don't do that. They make me feel worse that there is some actual thing that is preventing me from finding someone special. So just stop. Please.

6. You're just too picky.
This grinds my gears like nobody's business. Why am I not allowed to be picky? I've worked hard to become the person I am (see #4), and I deserve to be with someone that I truly love. It makes me truly sad that women are expected to be all things (beautiful, sweet, smart, successful, etc.), and yet so many women are satisfied with a guy whose best quality is that he doesn't hit them. It often seems like a job isn't even a necessity for a guy. But yes, I do expect to be with someone who has put as much work into themselves as I have into me. I shouldn't have to settle.

I know there are a million other things, but these are the top in my book. Feel free to add on.

So this morning while I was walking the dog, I started thinking about movies. Thinking about movies is a fairly common activity for me, so this wasn't unusual. But instead of thinking about what I might want to go see this weekend, or what I am excited about seeing, or what I saw last week that I liked, I thought about tentpoles. This week, there are no tentpoles being released. Therefore, there are folks that are lamenting that 'no one goes to the movies', and it's either make something big and spectacular, or don't even bother. But the truth is, there are tons of films out there to see, both at home and in the theater. And then the tiny little lightbulb lit up above my head. 

People rush out to see tentpoles for one reason: spectacle.

Tentpoles are great. They hold up the tent. But that's their job. To make space underneath so that everyone else can roam around. And for me, I don't see enough movies roaming around underneath. I just see more tentpoles, which defeats the whole purpose.

People want to see the fancy special effects and the huge epic battles. They want to be wowed. And they deserve to be. Considering that the cost of going to the movies has steadily risen in the past decade, people don't want to spend $20 each on some little character drama that will have zero car chases, zero explosions, and zero chances of lasers, spaceships, or superheroes. I could at this point talk about how movies are still the least expensive form of entertainment outside the home, but that's a discussion for a different day.

Nope, at this point, what I want to know is this: why do all movies cost the same?

Is there any other commodity that is priced the same across the board? I couldn't think of a single one. Cars: nope. Hotels: nope. Apartments: nope. Bread: nope. So why do we value all movies equally? The fact is that everything has its own value, and its own price. Including art. If you go to a concert, it costs a lot more to see Prince than it does to see your friend's garage band (unless of course your friend is Prince, in which case you better invite me). If you want to buy a painting, you better be prepared to fork over some shekels for a Warhol, but your neighbor's watercolor of a flower? Not so much. What if Broadway's version of Wizard of Oz cost the same as little Johnny's middle school version? Something tells me Johnny would be lamenting his lack of brains to an empty auditorium.

In the world of movies (and here I'm talking about seeing movies theatrically, not at home on your silly little television), the value only seems to stem from the 'extras'. Things like IMAX and 3D. Those definitely cost more. But what about the movie itself? It seems like a big movie like Star Wars (whichever Episode is your fave), which is in higher demand, has a higher cost to produce, has more bells and whistles, might cost more than, say, the latest little indie flick with actors you've never heard of in a town you don't care about. 

I know what you are about to say. "But Lisa, I hate Star Wars. I like those little indie flicks so much better. Hollywood is out of ideas and I hate that crap." Well, good for you. You are in the 1% of movie-goers, and you still have to pay the same price. But here's the simple truth: Star Wars brings in more people. Disney can afford to spend obscene amounts of money making sure that you will feel like a pariah if you don't see their movie. But that little indie film can't. They just put it out there with some modest marketing and then pray to their little Box Office Shrine (yes, that's a thing) that you will show up, then you will tell your friends and drag them to see it, and then they will, and so on and so forth.

But what if that little indie flick had a ticket price that was half of what Star Wars' ticket price is? In this budget-conscious world, it stands to reason that more people might opt to give it a shot. And after they see a moving story without (gasp) ANY explosions, they might not lament the $20 they just blew when they could have seen Batman and his gadgets. They might think, "Hey, I'm glad I spent $10 on a great story. I might just try some of these other in-dee-pen-dent (yes, imagine they've never said the word before) movies."

What would happen then? Would there be a market for more of these stories with small budgets? Would studios want to take a chance? Would audiences?

But most of all: would the small and middle-tier movie make a comeback?