The end of October means a couple of things to me. 

Halloween. I'm not going to lie, Halloween gives me anxiety. I'm not sure where this comes from, but I get very anxious wondering what I should dress up as for Halloween, and if I should even bother thinking about it, since I haven't even decided if I'm going to go to any parties or not. This isn't like Labor Day or Memorial Day, where the holiday happens and you don't have to plan for it. You really have to plan for Halloween. Costumes take time and planning. And since I still harbor feelings of inadequacy stemming from being different as a kid, I have to have a "cool" costume. Plus I wear glasses. That means no masks, no makeup on my face, nothing that people might not "get", and nothing that will make it difficult to talk, see, eat, sit, and won't make me look like a moron outside on the street. I like Halloween "cute". Yes, this is stressful. No, I don't know what I'm going to be this year. Yes, I'm a lunatic.

You may have noticed that I like writing short stories. I've published a few recently, so it seems like a logical conclusion. Well, I'm here to say, I DO! Short stories are one of those unique little animals of literature that have such gifts. And there are so many of them! I have several books of short stories, so I can read them anytime I want. They don't take a ton of time to read, so they're almost like the appetizers of reading. They're like the adorable little dogs of the book world. Small, but feisty and cute.

But make no mistake. Shorts are not easy to write. I believe it was Oscar Wilde who said "I would have written a short letter, but I didn't have time." (or something like that). And it's true. Short stories have to be packed with information, where not a single word is wasted. The plots have to be tight and focused, without any tangents or digressions. The truth is: writing short stories if fucking hard. But I try to write them regularly. I admit, I think there are lots of people who write short stories much better than I do. But just like anything else, I keep at it. And hopefully, I'm getting better. And some are better than others. I'm fully willing to acknowledge that. 

But I'm going to keep going. I'm going to keep writing these short little ditties. Historically they have taken on a somewhat melancholy tone, which is something I'm trying to work on. I'd like to write stories that are funnier, or more lighthearted, or even silly. I may even try my hand at some ghost stories. Either way, I plan to keep writing them, and keep sharing them with everyone. If you're so inclined to check any of them out, you can visit my author page on Amazon. There's a collection of shorts, along with a few standalone stories. And if you like them, I'd love to hear about it. And if you don't, I'm happy to hear constructive criticism. 

And I'll keep writing them.

I don't know if anyone has really wondered, but I thought I'd give a little extra background behind why I wrote a book about a horse. If you do a search for books about horses, they all kind of look the same. There's a girl, she's angry, upset, lost, or just a bit out of sorts. But then she discovers a barn, and a horse, and usually a boy. And mayhem and magic ensues. But I didn't think about that when I decided to write this book. And I'd like to think that my book is a bit different. Sure, my character is lost, upset, and angry. And there's a boy. But from there, it goes elsewhere. There are no horse shows, no ribbons. There's just a girl in her life with horses. So why horses?
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1. Horses are every girl's dream. I know very few women or girls who don't have some love for horses, whether they have any or not. Horses are one of those universal creatures that are only a horn away from a unicorn and there's something magical about them, even without that horn. For women, anyway.

2. Human connections to horses don't make sense. I grew up with horses. I don't remember a time in my childhood where there wasn't a horse around. I inherently felt connected to them, even though nature says that connection shouldn't be there. Horses are prey, and humans are predators. Horses should fear humans. Humans weigh (usually) 100-200 pounds. Horses weigh over 1000. Humans should fear horses. But in general, this isn't the case. There is a partnership between humans and horses that defies nature, and the trust necessary to form that bond is immense and irrational. But when you can curl up on the ground with a sitting horse, lean against their neck, and pet their face, nature isn't a thing. The bond is.

3. Horses are mysterious. It's often difficult to figure out exactly what they're thinking, even though sometimes it seems obvious. They have quirks and personalities that are unique and special. They have a language all their own, and for anyone who takes the time to pay attention, the conversations between human and horse is special.

4. Horses have meaning. This is a strong belief I've always had. Horses are strong, independent, and spirited. They are willful and sensitive. They are connected to the earth and yet ethereal. In a more practical sense, anyone who spends time around horses has a special sense of the world that doesn't come with a dog. I have a niece who grew up with horses, training them all herself, taking them to shows, and getting better with each horse and each skill she taught to them. And I believe it has made her the strong, independent woman that she is growing into. She is not discouraged by setbacks, she doesn't need anyone's approval, and she never gives up. On top of all that, she's a gentle soul with a deep sense of empathy for others. I'm sure she would have turned out great without the horses, but I also feel that her experiences with horses has given her the fortitude and strength that make her unique among teenagers, and skills that she can carry throughout her life. I like to think that my character has similar qualities, for the same reasons.

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​People always seem to want to know where ideas come from, and what moves a person to write about it. Well, the first answer is a bit mysterious and different for everyone, but the second is a little less so. When I pick something to write about, I feel like I'm spelunking. I'm climbing down deep into something that interests me, seeing all the cool things that form and what they look like in different kinds of light. Sometimes those things are scary, and sometimes they're exciting, and sometimes they're beautiful. That's some pretty cool shit to get just out of writing some words down. But the other day as I was driving to work, thinking about my book (what else would I think about while sitting in traffic?), I started to wonder why I chose this. Why YA? I wrote about a teenage girl from a small town. I wrote for a teenage girl in a small town. All teenage girls. But why?

So I had to spelunk for the answer. And this is what I came up with.

1. Teenagers are fascinating. Now, when I was one, I wanted to be anything but a teenager. It was weird and uncomfortable and awkward. You didn't have anything that you could really control, and being a grown up or a kid seemed much better in comparison. At least adults could do whatever they wanted and nobody was the boss of them (ha! I learned that this was wrong a long time ago!), and kids could just run around without a care in the world. Teenagers are stuck in the middle of these two worlds, trying to hang on to the joy of childhood while exploring the independence of adulthood. And it's a freaking scary ass journey. But every teenager is different, and has a different journey. I wanted to explore the journey of this one girl.

2. Teenagers learn quickly. While teenagers are on this amazing journey of discovering who they are, they go through a lot of bullshit. The make a lot of mistakes. The highs are high (first kiss!) and the lows are low (first heartbreak!). And there is everything in between. So when writing about teenagers, it seems a lot easier to fit a whole story into a relatively short amount of time. Once we get to adulthood, we learn lessons over a longer period of time, so it's much less of a thrill ride. And that thrill ride is the one I want to be on.

3. Teenagers are sponges. Since they learn so quickly, they can internalize ideas rapidly and easily, even without realizing it. When I write about teenagers, I can explore all sorts of other ideas in my book; ideas about race, culture, class, gender, and so on that the characters are dealing with on some level, whether they know it or not. When I was a kid, I saw lots of things happen around me, and I remember it clearly, but a lot of it I didn't fully process until I was older. But now that I have processed it, I've learned that these kinds of concepts were all around me as a kid, and I soaked it all up. And when teenagers (hopefully) read my book, they might be able to see a little bit of their lives there, and ingest these ideas, and these ideas might actually hit a place of thinking about them and thinking, "Yeah, that's true. Why is it like that?" In this very small way, I like to think that I can spark a thought, and that thought can spark a little change to make the world just a bit better.

There are tons of other reasons I wrote this exact story, but these are the reasons I wrote for teenagers. And maybe the teenagers at heart, too.